


[keep driving]

by cm (mumblemutter)



Series: Tumblr Things [9]
Category: Thor (Comics), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Berserker Thor, Consent Issues, Ficlet, Incest, M/M, Road Trips, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-07
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-02-22 20:30:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2520815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumblemutter/pseuds/cm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>(Reposted from <a href="http://lokiagentofhotness.tumblr.com/post/87994144712/">Tumblr</a>.)</p>
    </blockquote>





	[keep driving]

**Author's Note:**

  * For [umakoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/umakoo/gifts).



> (Reposted from [Tumblr](http://lokiagentofhotness.tumblr.com/post/87994144712/).)

1.

Thor has blackouts.

Thor has blackouts, and sometimes when he comes to he's covered in blood, and most of it isn't his.

Thor has blackouts, and the doctor they sent him to gave him pills that made him feel as if he were underwater. Loki slapped him once, and said, "I can't stand you like this," but Thor couldn't bring himself to care, and that only incensed Loki more.

Something changed, after that, even though Thor continued to take the pills: he started to feel more like himself. "Maybe they're finally working," he told Loki, and was happy because if he could take the pills and not hurt anyone and still feel all right, maybe things would work out.

But then the night of the storm - and all Thor remembers these days is Loki yelling at him through the rain, "We have to go, Thor, come on, come on." He shoved Thor into the car and as they drove off Thor could see that his shirt was stained and the water that was running off him wasn't clear.

"What did you do," he asked.

"The question you should ask is, what did you do, Thor?"

They couldn't go home, after that.

"I don't want to hurt anyone," Thor said, in the motel room later, when they stopped to rest. "You shouldn't have done that."

"I wanted my brother back," Loki said, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. "Your dullness bored me."

And so they ran.

 

2.

They end up in crappy diners, more often than not. Loki likes to look out for jukeboxes, and if there's one sitting in the corner, he will play the same song over and over again. _It's Not Unusual_ , by Tom Jones, and by the fifth play annoyance will start to seep into the other diners like slow poison. There's always a smile on Loki's face then, a thin, pleased slash of lips. Loki hoards quarters in a green silk bag, steals them from Thor when Thor's asleep.

Thor loses it, eventually. He rises from the booth and hits the machine until it breaks, until glass shatters and his hand bleeds, skin bruised and flayed. No one stops him, not even Loki.

It's raining outside, when they're finally kicked out of the place. In the motel room, the patter against the window throws interesting shapes onto Loki's face as he pulls out the glass shards, blood catching in a bowl of water that's already turning a coppery shade.

"I don't know," Loki says. "Maybe you need stitches. Or a doctor, we should probably get you to emergency."

But emergency means names means someone might recognize them even if they give the fake identities Loki so painstakingly created. Thor's hand trembles, and Loki shakes his head. There's a drugstore ten minutes away, and so Loki leaves him sitting on the bed, a towel wrapped around his hand.

Sometimes, Thor worries Loki won't come back. That he'll get bored, like he gets bored of everything, and just disappear. It makes him reach out his arm, the unhurt one, and drag Loki down, kiss him until they're both trembling, and when Loki pulls away he looks shaken. "I'll be back soon, I promise. Try not to break anything."

He returns, as promised.

Black thread, gauze, distilled water and a bottle of whiskey. "This will hurt," he says. He sits cross-legged on the bed, takes Thor's wrist into his lap.

"Couldn't get painkillers?"

"No," Loki says, short. "Drink this. It'll help."

It doesn't, but Thor drinks most of it anyway, and it distracts from the pain.

He's flat on the bed afterwards, drunk and delirious, so when Loki fucks him all he sees is shadows, all he sees is Loki's face, flickering in and out of darkness.

Loki stops with the songs after that.

 

3.

The blackouts come and go, and Thor can't control them. He can't control the rage, the need to scream and let go.

Once, while pummeling a man who'd dared to try and rob them, Thor heard Loki's voice. It cut through the red haze of anger, cut through the fugue, as clear as and as pure as a drop of dew, and Thor stopped.

Loki touched him then, and Thor glanced up, held out his bruised hands, wrists exposed. He started to weep, and Loki took his wrists into his pale fingers, said, "You can stop now, Thor."

Thor collapsed into him, and even though Loki staggered, he still managed to drag Thor away.

"You should stop me," Thor said later, shivering under the sheets in the motel room. "The next time, tell me to stop."

Loki's lips thinned, and he said, "Now, why would I want to do that?" His fingers smoothed down Thor's hair. "You're so beautiful, like that. I don't think I've ever seen anyone so beautiful." There was an odd, dark cast to his gaze, and Thor couldn't stand it, so he closed his eyes, fell asleep to Loki petting his head like he were a dog, making soothing noises under his breath.

But it mattered, that Loki could, and he did it a few more times after that, as if to prove a point. Thor always heard him, always. But Loki never wanted to - wouldn't help him whenever it happened, no matter how much Thor begged him afterwards.

You could never make Loki do anything he didn't want to.

Loki gets bored, and Thor maybe understands that, understands the itch that crawls beneath the skin, that roiling thunder that needs to break free. Though with Loki it's different, it's more like a subtle sort of energy, a nervous unsettlement.

It always ends in blood and tears, somehow. The difference between them is probably just that Thor feels guilt afterwards, and Loki - Loki doesn't care.

"You matter," he said, once. "I want you, so you matter. Everyone else -" and he shrugged, careless in his disdain. "Besides, you need it."

Thor used to think he didn't, but maybe Loki's right, maybe he does. He can't tell anymore.

"Just don't leave me," Thor says. "I can't be alone."

"I know," Loki replies, and his fingers drum a steady beat against the steering wheel, and he smiles.


End file.
